The Calm After the Storm
The way God has continued to craft my life after my separation and divorce still blows my mind. As I shared in previous posts, He has brought me a new job, a whole new group of friends, and so much more. I am reminded over and over that God causes everything to work together for good in His timing.
Processing Bitterness
In the first few months after divorce, I was so mad at God. I would think, Why me? What did I do to deserve this? How could God do this to me after all the grace and mercy I had shown my husband?
God’s answer would find me time and time again. He did not plan this for me, but we are in a broken world, and broken people make choices that are outside of our control and God’s Will.
Finally, I reached a point where I was so tired of being angry. It was such an exhausting emotion! Though my work is still ongoing—as there is so much to heal from, I am no longer defined by what happened in the past. In time, my ex apologized for his actions. I am now learning what full forgiveness looks like to the man who betrayed me.
Self-Discovery
As I met my grief in the silence, I knew that it could not last forever. Adding a sweet furry friend named Bella often brought companionship in those moments. I also began to rediscover who I was as a single mother.
In that space I found that I am a very strong and capable person! I discovered that I love being outside, hiking, lifting weights, and teaching flower arranging classes. Realizing that so much of my energy had always been caught up in trying to heal or fix my husband, I had forgotten who I was! Confidence in my intrinsic value and who I wanted to be was once again restored.
It has been amazing getting to know ME again! Because of what I went through and how I let God heal me, I truly believe I am more of who I was created to be. This journey has given me perspective, resilience, and the drive to find joy and beauty in life’s little moments that I had previously missed out on for so many years.
Related Post: Guest Blog: Stephanie Marek
Space to Adjust
As we had four young kids together, it took much time to adjust with many ups and downs. I can remember in the beginning my ex telling me, “They will be fine. They are resilient.” Yet in the first year, co-parenting and shuffling the kids back and forth was a huge struggle, especially since my youngest daughter had not yet turned one.
In open conversations with my older kids, I would ask how they were doing and feeling. I would always let them know that it is okay to feel sad, angry, or hurt. Mommy does too! An ongoing struggle still I have is to not express any negativity directed at their father.
Related Link: Focus on the Family’s How to Talk to Kids
Loving Again
For the first two years I spent alone after our divorce, I wanted to make sure that I had a good handle on who I was, what I needed to heal from, what I really wanted and needed, and how to be content when I am alone. Once I found that safe space and stopped searching so hard, my new guy showed up. 😊 While it has taken me time to let go and trust again, honest and open communication is making that possible.
Grace For Yourself
If you find yourself in a situation like mine, please remember to give yourself patience and grace each day. Set the boundaries you need for yourself and your protection. Allow yourself to recognize the unhealthy behaviors you may have tolerated in your spouse, and your responses to the situation. Practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is not just about the other person; it is about healing for you as well.
As you navigate your new normal, consider a few practices to help keep you moving forward:
- Focus on just the next step in front of you, not the whole staircase.
- Remind yourself that God is always in control.
- Allow yourself to grieve when situations or emotions arise.
- If you wake up sad, that’s ok. Give yourself a timer (15, 30 mins, etc.) to process through it.
- Try new things (classes, books, cooking, etc.).
- Find a good support group.
- Remind yourself that you are a daughter and child of God. He is there for you and knows what is ahead in your path.
I wish you healing and peace on your journey. (Blog Written by Julia M.)
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