This concept of “good” keeps coming up. Dealing with wives betrayed by their husband’s sexual brokenness, many women fall into the pit of thinking if they were just good enough, their husband wouldn’t have strayed. The most common lie is, “If I was just prettier, sexier, sweeter, etc. This is a difficult lie to dislodge because we live in a world that idolizes and celebrates external beauty. Women are bombarded with images and messages that communicate our value is based on how we look.
Then I was chatting with a friend who verbalized a common theme that surely “good” people go to heaven. God would not bar the pearly gates to those who are generally kind and nice would He? So it begs the question, “How good is good enough?” In the light of the goodness of God, how do we know? How do we decide when we can never know what’s in the heart and mind of another?
Even as I type these words, I feel the anxiety and the weight of trying to give an answer. But wait; what do I say daily to the women who are sure they are not good enough?
I tell them it’s a lie. Their husband’s choices belong to him.
True and pure love doesn’t parcel itself out, nor can it be measured. We long to be seen, flaws and all, yet still loved. The kind of love we all desire is what our Creator and Heavenly Father offers. His love is the completely pure gift of grace and was demonstrated on the cross. It’s lavish and unaffected by my performance and based solely on His goodness. It’s a love that is poured out completely, the day you ask for it. Nothing is held back for the day you become a good or better Christian. In fact, this love is completely opposite from the offerings of every other religion.
All other religions offer a laundry list of do’s and don’ts or steps to spiritual achievement or enlightenment. This makes sense because these are what the heart of man cries out for. We want to be in charge, to have control of our destiny, to work on something of value and to be seen as valuable by other men. These are all the faces of wanting to be lord of our life.
Marketing experts know this. It’s why we like slogans like, “Have it your way!” and “Just do it!” or “You deserve __fill in the blank__!” It’s the heart that is represented in the garden by the very first man and woman; to make a decision apart from God in order to see good and evil and be at God’s level. Pride is the root of all sin and the pain that follows, yet to feel out of control seems somehow worse.
So, you can try to figure out how much good is enough, strive to achieve it, and then hope that you got it right. (But what about when good intentions have bad results?) Or you can surrender your right to be in charge and then dive in to learning the heart of the One who created you. Find out for yourself that He will provide for your needs and has selected unique gifts and characteristics for the plan He has for you. You will lean into His will not so He will love you more, but so you can live in His arms trusting He will work all things together for your good.
