Guest Blog written by Andrea Jones, of Abundant Wellness with Andrea LLC
“I will take the crushing and turn it into oil that breaks the yoke.”
I’ve been sitting on this encounter for a while. I’m not sure there will ever be words to adequately describe it, but I felt a burning in my heart to share it today…
God speaks to me in funny ways, and I’ve learned over the years not to discount it. He’s been talking to me a lot about olives—specifically CRUSHED olives.
Crushing Sickness
What many people don’t know, is that we as a family have endured a crushing that I haven’t even found words to adequately describe with our oldest daughter’s sudden onset of PANDAS 3 years ago. I think it is easy as believers, in our attempt to glorify God, to minimize the pain of our circumstances as if the pain somehow makes us less “holy” or “worthy” or “good.”
Let me tell you, this experience has broken me of any preconceived ideas I had about Jesus and his ability to be PERFECTLY glorified in my weakness and pain.
Okay so back to the point…
Olives
Olives represent peace. They were a token of God’s promised assurance of safety when Noah patiently waited for a sign of life on the Ark. Olives, when crushed, make some of the most healing oil on the planet. They are rich in antioxidants, fatty acids, and some of the most nourishing nutrients you can find. It can be used in healing balm, or life-giving soup…
Its benefits, however, are not released EXCEPT in the crushing.
A few months back, as our oldest began to show signs of rapid healing, a deep layer of pain began to surface. I knew it was only a matter of time. You can only live in survival mode for so long before all the stuff comes up.
Emerging Pain
I began to try to make sense of the emotions I was feeling—the WHY’s… the years lost… all of it. I could no longer avoid them, or pretend they were not there. To minimize or pretend that it did not hurt worse than ANYTHING I have experienced in this earthly life…
The pain was something I did not want to look at because it felt unworthy of my attention. I did not want to give it too much room—for fear that it would totally take over. But I knew I couldn’t do any of that.
I had to just FEEL it.
Release
I was flooded with memories and emotions I thought I were over, but clearly were not. In the middle of life’s wildest fires, one’s only goal is to survive, not take the time to sit there and process the emotions. I was also overcome with memories of being betrayed by the family who should have been there to support us, but instead acted as if we didn’t even exist.
Every conversation where I felt like I was beating my head against the wall in order for them to understand that our child was sick, only had them turning their backs and withholding the support and love we so desperately needed.
The isolation was utterly crushing and truthfully, all I wanted to do was run and avoid it all. I could rationalize their rejection and determine that it must have been me… I must have deserved it. But I refused that too. I knew if I didn’t feel the pain, that I would build a wall around it to protect my heart, and inadvertently keep those that I love OUT.
New Oil
As I began to just allow things to come forward, I felt Jesus pull me in and hold my head against His chest. I felt as though His tears hit my hair and roll down my back as he wept over me and all the pain we have endured as a family.
I heard Him whisper like a guttural cry, “I will turn your crushing into oil that breaks the yoke.” And I felt in that moment so seen, validated, and understood. His promises resonated in my depths:
He is acquainted with suffering and familiar with our grief (Isaiah 53)
Instead of your shame, you will possess a double portion (Isaiah 61)
As He turned me around to look at my pain again through a different lens, I saw it differently now.
I saw the oil that can only be produced through suffering.
Fragrant. Rich. Life Giving.
Remember, our testimony is NOT our pain, but rather what our pain has produced because of HIS suffering love. Friend, if you are in a process of crushing betrayal, I invite you to take these words and invite Jesus into your process.
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Andrea Jones, a registered nurse, created Abundant Wellness with Andrea LLC, a health and wellness program for women!
Check out our previous blog series on Healing From Divorce: Part 3 of 3
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