Do you feel that you can’t be the parent you want to be because you are not the “pre-trauma” momma you used to be? Instead of tending to your kids you are busy dealing with anxiety, fear, anger, depression, and a heart shattered to pieces. I understand. For those who have been through betrayal and are worried about the impact on their kids, I want you to know that you are not alo
ne. It is completely normal to worry about the well-being of your children. Many moms are concerned about what repercussions secondary trauma may have on them.
In the book of Genesis, Hagar, an Egyptian slave was taken by Abraham and Sarah, a couple who could not have children. Sarah allowed Hagar to have a child with Abraham. When Sarah finally had a son of her own, she became jealous and mistreated Hagar. Eventually, Hagar was forced to flee into the desert with her son, Ishmael, feeling abandoned, rejected and alone. Experiencing this trauma and on the brink of death, Hagar petitioned the Lord.
In her darkest moments, Hagar did not give up hope. Though she feared for the safety and wellbeing of her son, she cried out to God for help and comfort. God saw them, heard them, and responded.
There is a God That Will Come to Your Rescue!
Hagar’s story is a reminder that even in the midst of abandonment, rejection, and trauma, there is hope. There is a God that will come to your rescue. Just as God provided for Hagar and Ishmael, He will provide for you and your children. You can be certain that God sees you and your children too. He is mindful and aware of what each of you need. He will help you navigate through this hard season. Be assured that your Heavenly Father, who is the perfect parent, will be there for your children. Just like He is leading you to the healing you need, He will lead your children to the healing they need as well.
It’s important to be honest with your children in a way that is age-appropriate and doesn’t place undue burden on them. Let them know that you are going through a difficult time but reassure them that they are loved and that the situation is not their fault.
It’s also im
portant to model healthy coping strategies for your children. I know it seems like it would be easier to numb the pain, but one person’s unhealthy coping mechanisms can become another person’s trauma. Be sure to take care of yourself and seek support when needed. In doing so you will pass on a legacy of healing to your children. Talk to a therapist or counselor, reach out to friends and family, and engage in self-care activities that bring you joy and relaxation. When your children see you taking care of yourself, they will learn that it is important to prioritize their own mental health and well-being as well.
Trauma won’t be the end of your family’s story!
Healing is a process, and it takes time. There will be ups and downs, but healing is possible. And your legacy of healing will be totally worth it. Be patient with yourself and with your children. Because God is on your side, your family can get through this and emerg
e from it stronger and healthier than ever.
I know it’s heartbreaking to realize that you won’t be the “pre-trauma” version of yourself ever again. It is normal to grieve that loss. But you won’t be the broken version of yourself forever either. There will be a new you that rises from the ashes. Wounds turned to wisdom. Strong in your intuition. Emotionally regulated. Healthy boundaries. Closer to Jesus. Unmovable faith. No longer broken. A healthy Momma.
If you are dealing with the trauma of betrayal, our staff and facilitators are here to walk with you through it. Message us today at [email protected] or join a Healing Hope Group.
