“My world has been turned upside down. Nothing is what it was a few days ago. The future is unknown and the uncertainties seem to multiply by the day. While some things of life must go on, preparing meals, work, and exercise, there are moments of pause within the day. Those moments when it will suddenly hit me…what just happened? It feels like I am living in a fog. My world is now a very strange place.”
You may think that I am talking about a response to being quarantined from COVID-19, and while that may be true, there was another time in my life when I found myself going through these same emotions. A time that our family faced a trial of our own—the betrayal and the arrest of my husband.
Facing Betrayal
Now, betrayal is quite different from a worldwide pandemic. However, I find myself responding to this current crisis in a similar pattern. Everyone responds to tragedy and trauma differently. The following is how I responded.
1. Rattled: What just happened? In the matter of one day, my life was turned upside down and I didn’t even see it coming. With the betrayal and my husband’s arrest, everything in my life was about to change.
2. Rally: With the adrenaline pumping and the fight or flight mechanism kicking in, I tend to “fight.” I started to rally the troops! In the weeks following my husband’s arrest, I rallied my family and friends to fight for faith and hope.
3. Reality: Things began to calm down after the initial call to battle and reality set in. I had to come face to face with the losses. The loss of a future that I had envisioned, loss of trust in our relationship, and the loss of income, to name a few. After acknowledging the losses, I laid them at the feet of Jesus. While I grieved over them, I looked to Him for comfort.
4. Routines: Once reality set in and I grieved over the loss, I also found comfort in my routines. My morning routine especially helps me through any season. I wake up early, hours before my family is out of bed. I spend time studying, meditating and memorizing God’s Word. After praying, I head out the door to run or for some other type of workout. Honestly, when I am at the stage of “rattled,” this routine is sporadic if non-existent. However, when I get back to this routine, I find this is where the Lord meets me and gives me strength.
5. Reach Out: With strength from the Lord, this was the point where I was able to reach out and offer comfort to others who were going through a similar hard time. During the season after my husband’s disclosure, this looked like reaching out to others through the online ministry with Hope After Betrayal. I find that taking the focus off myself and offering comfort to another person blesses me more than anything! “Everyone should look out not only for your own interest, but also for the interests of others”. Philippians 2:4 (HCSB)
These stages can happen in progression or sometimes all at the same time! There are also times where I have been in the “reach out” phase, but then something will happen that will send me right back to “rattled.” It is at these times, the Holy Spirit will remind me of all that He has shown me through time spent with Jesus and in God’s Word. And then He picks me up again.
Facing Quarantine
As I move through these same feelings during the COVID-19 quarantine, I find myself leaning into the Lord in the ways He showed me during our family trial. To cling to Him. To keep my eyes focused on Him.
I was rattled when in the course of one day, my entire calendar was wiped clean for the foreseeable future—an extrovert’s worst nightmare. I felt the “fight or flight” kick in as I rallied my church family to keep the faith. Then came the moments of facing and grieving the losses… Our son’s senior year of high school is ending quite differently from expected. We will not be gathering with our church family anytime soon. After weeks of drowning in Facebook with news about the pandemic, I once again have found solace in my routines of digging deep into God’s Word and running. It is there that I find the strength to keep fighting for hope and reach out to others, encouraging them to do the same.
What are the ways you process the things that happen in your life? How have you made God a part of that process? What is one thing you can what is one thing you can do that feeds your soul that’s just for you, like running?
– Becky Friberg
Check out our other Guest Blogger: Stefanie Marek
If you have been cheated on, or are dealing with the feelings of betrayal, our staff and facilitators are here to walk with you through it. Message us today at [email protected] or join a Healing Hope Group.
