This world feels like it has become harder to discern who is safe and who is not. There are destructive trends happening right now that have trickled even into well established friendships. People are painting those with differing views as the enemy and then surrounding themselves with only like-minded folks who do not challenge or question their personal views. This creates an echo chamber where only one point of view is allowed to be spoken and heard. It is most obvious and long-lived in the political arena, but this toxic mentality has also trickled into the church and affected intimate core relationships. 
How boring to live in a world without a healthy diversity of thought and experience! God’s world was meant to be full of variety and color. We were created to live passionate lives for Him in vibrant color, not merely a monochrome existence where every person and thought looks the same.
So how do you find those safe people in your life with this ever changing political and social landscape? Especially when you are facing the pain and grief of betrayal?
Red Flags
First, it is incredibly crucial to have a support structure of safe people around you to help carry the burdens while you heal. If it feels too unclear on who your safe people are, first start by recognizing the red flags of those who are not safe. Unfortunately, sometimes those who want to help the most can inadvertently cause more harm.
Beware of friendships that feel uneven where you do all of the giving and the other does the taking. If a friend who hurt you deeply says, “I did nothing wrong,” flee. This is a clear sign they are not open to hearing how you feel. Just as we say in relationships to believe their behavior, this also applies to friendships. Believe the other’s hurtful behavior and don’t let your hope for the relationship blind you to the truth of what really might be.
An unsafe person will also often traffic in fear. Please remember, it is a terrible guide that can lead to anger and many pitfalls. Fear is the opposite of faith. Yet, how do you let go of fear and take hold of faith? God’s Word says in Romans 10:17 “So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ” (NLT). If all you constantly hear are the negative voices of those in your life that drown out the Voice of the Lord, then take a step back from that echo chamber.
Changing the Subject
Gently encourage those who want to talk of nothing else to change the subject. Listen to life giving messages through music, podcasts, Christian speakers, etc. Most importantly, get your perspective directly from the heart of God through His Word, the Bible. Pray James 1:5 daily: “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you (NLT).
Peace reigns in His presence and can also live in our hearts. He is not shocked or diminished by anything this world can throw at Him—a pandemic, a betrayal, a loss… He is our strong tower, and we can run to that Tower. And as we spend time in His Presence, His voice and direction becomes louder and easier to discern.
With that said, there are very real trials and trauma we must navigate. Finding safe people takes time, discernment and prayer. Watch how a person lives for a while before risking your heart. Share a little and see what they do with it.. Do they respond with kindness, love and life-giving support? Listen to your gut, for this is where you will often find that Still Small Voice…
I have made the mistake of assuming all those in my life deserve the same amount of my heart, but this has caused pain. So, I have learned to be more discerning. Friendships are like the layers of an onion; not everyone can or should be invited to the intimate core. But, when you do find that safe person who is humble (able to give and receive loving feedback), hold on to that friend for they are a rare gift from God.
Check out our previous blog on Broken During Christmas
If you are dealing with the trauma of betrayal, our staff and facilitators are here to walk with you through it. Message us today at [email protected] or join a Healing Hope Group.
