In a single moment, life as I had known it came to an unexpected end. Devastation and pain abruptly barged into my life as a result of my husband’s sexual sin and infidelity. Hope that anything good could ever come from the enormity of this me
ss seemed like just a tease. It was a cruel joke that pulled on what was left of my frail tattered heart strings. I would not have imagined in a million years that this would be my life. Does anyone? Not a single bride stands at the altar looking into the eyes of her beloved anticipating future betrayal. I am sure you didn’t either. However, there I was, 17 years after our trip down to the altar facing my new reality. Engulfed by the innumerable questions and emotions that came along with it, I was confident my marriage was over. Would I ever be able to look back and see this massive mountain as just a hill in the rearview mirror?
The Beauty of Surrender
However, just when I was ready to wave the white flag of surrender and give up on this shattered covenant, I made a pivotal decision. I chose to surrender to the Lord and wait for His direction. It wasn’t easy. But daily, I chose to lay down my will and seek His. Had I made hasty decisions inspired by my pain, I can guarantee the outcome would have been drastically different. But I was determined to let this excruciating pain drive me closer to the Lord, not farther away.
As I ran to Him, I discovered a refuge, an ever-present help in time of need. I found grace and a glimmer of hope that transformed everything. He was with me. I could feel His comfort wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a snowy day. I began to believe that I would see the goodness of God and He assured me that His promises weren’t void just because my pain was real. My perspective of my circumstances began to shift. Most importantly, I began to see the Lord and know Him in ways I never had before.
How Could This Be Good?
However, while navigating through the destruction, I often wondered, “How could this possibly be considered good?” Maybe you have asked a similar question. You see, what I have come to learn from navigating the pain of betrayal, is that our Father has a view of our lives that we do not. He sees the end from the beginning and uses situations and circumstances in our lives to bring about His perfect plan and purposes. While it may not feel good, if it is a part of His plan, we can trust that it is.
The beautiful thing about our Father is that before we ever experienced the impact of our husband’s sexual brokenness, He already had a plan to redeem it. He is the master of using the ashes and rubble of our lives to create something beautiful for His glory. If we will allow it, this pain will be a doorway in which He can reveal Himself to us in a deeper capacity. His heart’s desire is for us to experience Him; feel His closeness, grow in intimacy, and encounter His goodness, faithfulness, and love.
He wants to know you and ma
ke Himself known. It is in the fellowship of His suffering where this communion takes place. That is the call beckoning to each of us through the pain. He has placed a holy, sacred invitation in our hands…an invitation to deeply and personally know our God.
A Holy Invitation
If you are anything like me, I would have much rather returned this invitation to sender. How could this be a holy invitation when it felt like hell? That question lingered, but here we are, years after D-day living in the beauty of what has risen from the ashes. Rebuilding has been hard work and required a tremendous amount of commitment. However, you can count me thankful. I am grateful that our marriage was not a statistic or a casualty of the sexual sin leaving so many marriages in utter devastation, and I am even more grateful for the ways God has made Himself abundantly known through my pain.
I have come to know the one that is hope personified. Hope that something good could come from such devastating pain is no longer a cruel joke or tease. It is the reality of God’s enduring promises for those who trust and wait on Him. Daily I now have the opportunity to use all I have learned to help other women still walking through the flames.
Trauma into Transformation
I wish I could tell you that there was a way to escape suffering. Sadly, in this fallen broken world, it is inevitably a part of every human experience. Even Jesus couldn’t elude this painful reality. However, God did not intend for it to be this way. He created a perfect garden void of sin and its painful consequences.
His heart breaks over what sin has done to you and the ones we love. Knowing this pain was unavoidable, He strategically made a way to use our suffering to reveal Himself in greater measure. He turns trauma into transformation and sovereignly uses what the enemy meant for harm for good.
The Mountain in the Mirror
While I do not know what the future holds for you and your relationship, you can be confident in the One who holds your life in His hands. God will not leave you broken forever! Trauma is not the end of your story; nor does pain get to have the final say. No matter the outcome, I can guarantee that one day you will look in the rearview mirror and this mountain of betrayal will look drastically different than the massive obstacle you face today. You too will look back and be thankful for the greater intimacy with the Father and the lessons learned. The journey may be difficult and grueling at times, but don’t give up! I promise that it will be worth every broken and holy moment with your Savior along the way.
Check out our previous blog: Anxiety, An Invitation to Heal Part 2
If you are dealing with the trauma of betrayal, our staff and facilitators are here to walk with you through it. Message us today at [email protected] or join a Healing Hope Group.
