By Heather Davis
The process of a formal therapeutic disclosure consists of the betrayer sharing the full reality of their acting out, guided and supported by their therapist, with the one who has been betrayed, who also is being supported and guided by a therapist. It is an essential step in recovery and healing from the effects of sexual addiction and betrayal on a relationship. Though it is a difficult and painful process, when experienced under the supervision of intuitive, qualified, and thorough therapists, it can bring about tremendous healing and growth.
If you find yourself in a place of betrayal and a disclosure is a next step in your journey, it can feel so very overwhelming. At times you may want to run, and at times you may want to hear every last detail. Resist the urge to do either and find a therapist who specializes in the care of betrayal trauma. Let them help you formulate a plan. Draw on their expertise to help you navigate the darkness, the questions, the fears, the anger, the recovery, and the healing.
After walking with many women along this journey, I have found there to be some beneficial things one can implement in conjunction with a counselor’s care, during the time leading up to formal disclosure, and after. Here are a few things to consider:
Have a Group/Community:
Isolation is crippling, and finding a safe place to share your story, and have it met with kindness and curiosity of safe people is so very important. You are not alone, and the support of others will be a balm to your heart and soul.
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Write out a Plan:
Having a plan for the day before, day of, and days after formal disclosure is important. Have a Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C if needed. Write it down, so that in the stress and emotion of the circumstances, you have it easily accessible and don’t have to come up with something on the fly. The beauty of having a Plan A, B, and C is that, although you can’t predict exactly how you may feel at the time, you will have a few options formulated that can meet what you need.
Things to consider Including in your Plan:
- Self-care in the days prior to and after disclosure
- Reading materials
- Journaling
- Grounding and calming items/activities
- Transportation to/from disclosure
- Child care, if needed, for the day of and afterward
- A place to process and grieve (home or other accommodation)
- Asking your safe people to check in on you every few hours (by phone or in person)
- Hydration and nutrition
The days leading up to disclosure can feel endless, and the days afterward can feel so very clouded, but do not lose heart. Your healing will take hard work and determination on your part, and will be bolstered by the support of those that hold your story and your heart with kindness and empathy.
Related Post: Betrayal and Identity: Who Are You….Really?
If you are dealing with the trauma of betrayal, our staff and facilitators are here to walk with you through it. Message us today at [email protected] or join a Healing Hope Group.
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